Sure, your ’20s are a time for parties, friends, and spontaneity, but they are also a time of great doubt and uncertainty in regards to chopping peppers. Can you say, “#MillennialProbs”? We’ve all been there: hunched over our kitchen counters with three peppers, an Epicurious recipe, and nowhere to turn. Here are the questions all 20-somethings have about cutting up peppers.
Do I need a cutting board if my kitchen counter is, like, marble-ish?
Now that you’re living on your own, it’s time to grow up and face the fact that your actions have consequences and you can’t just destroy surface after surface like you did when you lived with your parents. It’s a huge shock to realize adulthood isn’t always as awesome as you imagined when you were little and that peppers don’t always chop themselves. Whyyy???
Should I use the knife with the ridges?
In your 20s, it often feels like you have too many options, and it’s easy to get caught up worrying about taking the wrong path by using a serrated knife. In moments like these, it’s important to trust your instincts, and when all else fails, Google it. We learned this the hard way, and we bet you did too.
Is it OK if the spiny parts end up in the food?
You spend a lot of time wondering how other people perceive you, for example how they would react if the dish you brought to the potluck had the strings that you are 95% sure you are supposed to remove from the peppers. Remember, the connections you make at this age could last a lifetime.
What do I do with the seeds?
You have to face the messes you make alone now, including those motherfucking seeds that are now everywhere, including all over the peppers you just removed them from. Your ’20s may seem like a time for experimentation, but the seeds you sow during these formative years will take root in the rest of your adult life, as anyone who has tried to cut a pepper as a young adult will know.
What does mince mean?
It dawns on you that learning definitely does not stop after college, and you now realize how much you still don’t know. You still have to hit the books once and a while, including looking up what a minced pepper looks like. Learning is a lifelong experience.
How much do I really want this paella?
Your ’20s are all about big picture thinking. You have to stop and examine whether you can really pull off this dish when just the first step takes you 45 minutes. Also maybe you should break up with your boyfriend.
Should the bleeding have stopped by now?
Self-care is an important part of being an adult that nobody ever talks about. You and you alone can determine whether the knife wound you got when you tried to scrape out the pepper from the inside warrants a trip to the emergency room. Independence comes at a price.
While there aren’t hard and fast answers to any of these questions—if we had them, we’d tell you— it’s important to remember that you are not alone. In a way we’re all 23, crying and calling our mom in the hopes she’ll invite us over for dinner.
