It’s hard to know what he’s thinking when the two of you are getting hot and heavy, but it’s even harder when you’re spooning that lil’ laptop of yours! How can you tell if he’s enjoying himself? If he’s getting overheated? If he wouldn’t rather be at the Consumer Electronics Show? Has his battery run out of juice? These simple positions will help you make sure your laptop will love being spooned by you.
1. Missionary
Place your laptop on top of your stomach and fall asleep like that. It’s a classic posish, but it’s classic for a reason: It feels damn good!
2. Doggy-Style
Lay down on your side and place him on his side with his screen facing away from you. To feel more connected in bed, wrap your entire body with his battery cord—just make sure not to damage the circuits!
3. Crouching Tiger
Curl up in the fetal position. Leave him on the other side of your bed, but in your line of sight. Place one hand on top of his keyboard and fall asleep mid-tweet. It feels so natural to relax around him.
4. Hidden Dragon
Curl up in the fetal position. Leave him on the other side of your bed as above, but this time turn away from him. Your cool exterior will leave him wanting—nay, begging—for more. Just make sure you don’t roll over onto him! There are a lot of delicate mechanisms in there.
5. The Space Heater
When your heat goes out in the dead of winter, lay him across the tops of your feet. It’s good to know that when you really, really need him you can use his whirring core to keep you safe and warm.
6. The Night Guardian
Fall asleep sitting against your headboard with him on your lap. A tiny modification on the Missionary, but at least ten times hotter!
These moves may seem basic, but when you spend every hour of every day together, any little change will help you remember why you love that steamy feeling he creates on your crotch. Now get to spoonin’!
