Intentionally Vague Wedding Vows to Cover Your Ass Later

Congratulations! The most important day of your life is approaching: your wedding. Committing to a single person for the rest of your life is a huge responsibility, so what if you find out that you can’t handle that kind of thing? The worst thing that can happen in a marriage is its inevitable end. The second worst thing is overpromising on your vows, which will make you have to do a lot more explaining when it’s finally over. You want to make sure you can prove that the failure of the marriage was his alone, and proof starts with your wedding vows. Before you start making a bunch of wild, impossible promises of care and commitment, make sure that you’ve covered your bases with these five vague wedding vows.


I’ll always accept your love.

Just because you accept someone’s love, doesn’t mean you’ll return it. Making this vow ensures that you won’t be expected to say “I love you” back if things between you two get tense. Love is a two-way street, but not with this totally honest vow!


We’ll go on many journeys together.

“Journeys” is the key word here. Literally, you and your fiancé may go on many trips together before shit hits the fan, but if you’re feeling like a weekend alone, you can simply say that “journey” was meant metaphorically. You could easily get away with saying that life is a journey, and trial separation is also a journey, and by no means are you obligated to actually travel. Loophole!


When I first saw you, I believed in the idea of soul mates.

Saying you believe in soul mates doesn’t necessarily mean you believe that your fiancé is your soulmate. This is a very clever way to get around those pesky infidelity accusations. How can your fiancé be upset if you believe someone else out there might be your real soul mate? Thank him for reminding you that soul mates may really exist, and he is not one of them. Problem solved!




I’ve always loved you.

This might be true, but the past tense saves your ass later because you aren’t committing to love beyond this moment. Hell, you could run off with one of the groomsmen today and no one could blame you, because after you said these words your feelings might have changed, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Be fair to your fiancé by not allowing them to expect any love beyond this one, fleeting moment. You do you!


And when I think of you and children in the future, I feel happy.

As you can see, simply referring to children doesn’t indicate that the children will be yours or whom you would have them with. Everyone loves children to some degree, but the last thing you want to do is commit to making babies with the person you’ve implicitly agreed to make babies with. Explain to your fiancé that the idea of children thrills you, but actually having them in the middle of a nasty divorce would be a nightmare. They’ll understand. Or, they better.