It’s a cold, cold world. And it’s a well-known fact that women lose body heat more rapidly than men. Can you say Netflix and chill-y? This winter, what better way to warm up than the original “space heater”—S-E-X! But what’s the point of using sex to get warm if you have to take off all your clothes first? The solution is simple—you need to wear your jacket during sex to stay warm. The only problem is that you don’t want your cutie to notice your outerwear and get turned off by the lack of visible skin. So here are five tips to keep him from noticing while allowing you to enjoy the warm cuddling embrace of the true love of your life—your jacket!
1. Put a blindfold on him.
This one’s for the wearing-a-coat-during-sex beginner. It’s simple, no fuss, and doesn’t require any advanced moves. With a blindfold on, he won’t be able to see that you are soo warm and happy in your comfy jacket. Just don’t forget to make your voice quaver a little so he thinks you’re shivering, since the thermostat is set to his comfort and not yours. If he realizes that you’re wearing your jacket, his boner will die!
2. Say you want to role-play The Revenant.
Men love stories about men doing men stuff. The Revenant seems like a story about some men in the wilderness and they are definitely wearing coats. So, suggest a little Golden-Globe-award-winning film role-play. Let’s say you get to be Leo, he gets to be the revenant itself. If he asks you what revenant means just say “shh, baby” and kiss him revenant-ly.
3. Go down on him under the covers.
Peek your tousled head up from under the duvet, making sure everything neck down is covered by sheets. If he says, “Hey you, what’s going on under there?” say, “I’m naked; nothing to worry about,” and give him a blowjob that says, “I’m not wearing my jacket, nope.”
4. Sit on his face.
This will be perfect, because he won’t be able to see you are wearing your jacket; plus, his breath will warm up your icy vagina! If he reaches his arms up and wants to feel your soft skin but instead feels your soft down jacket, and is like, “Uh, why are you wearing your jacket,” just say, “I’m so scared of your giant dick that I need the protection of this jacket!” That will make his ego feel good, and will distract him so you can snuggle inside that delicious warmness.
5. Try pegging.
He loved when you stuck a finger up his ass, so you know he’s ready for the whole shebang. And with his back to you, you can wear a jacket in peace and quiet! Heck, you can wear a scarf and gloves. Maybe a balaclava if you’re lucky!
With these sexy skills, you’ll be experiencing the big O in no time—that is, the big Opposite-
of-cold—HEAT! Haha.
