You drink filtered water, eat organic and shun synthetic fibers whenever possible, so why would you use an aluminum-based antiperspirant that some scientists say may increase your risk for cancer? Thankfully, these days, a trip to the health food store will yield a plethora of non-toxic options that let you leave home to mingle with the public for a finite amount of time, without hugs. Here are our top five:
1. Tom’s of Maine Crystal Confidence Deodorant (luckyvitamin.com, $2.77)
If there’s one things Tom’s does best, its make a product that kind of does the thing it was made to do. Their Crystal Confidence Deodorant is no exception: On a cool day, a person using this product can expect to do some light grocery shopping and immediately return home again, assuming they drive to and from the market with the AC on and don’t park at the far end of the lot.
2. Weleda Deodorant Spray (thrivemarket.com, $16)
The warm watercolors and rounded, gnome-like typeface on the box evoke a distinct Waldorf School vibe, so our expectations of this product were pretty low. Weleda relies on nothing more than isopropyl alcohol and pure garden botanicals for odor control, so if you’ll be sitting and talking (nothing more!) this is one potential option. Be careful—this juice burns like a motherfucker on freshly shorn pits—but it’s sorta worth it for about 20-30 minutes!
3.Burt’s Bees – Doctor Burt’s Herbal Deodorant (burtsbees.com, $8.00)
This is another liquid spray deodorizer that works long enough to protect you for one half of your monthly co-op shift. The lightweight spray bottle travels well in a purse so you can re-apply after a quick hobo bath in the restroom sink. To the best of our knowledge, Burt wasn’t a doctor, but this stuff may just be your prescription for carefree customer interactions from a safe distance of no less than four feet. Good enough, we think!
4. Arm & Hammer Essentials Deodorant (drugstore.com, $3.69)
The company that’s been harnessing the power of baking soda for years has formulated a deodorant that will allow you to have a brief conversation with your mail carrier provided you keep those elbows glued tightly to your sides. Baking Soda does have a tendency to clog pores, so if you notice any large, boil-like red bumps under your arm, the smell of your body odor will be the least of your worries!
5. Schmidt’s Deodorant (iherb.com, $9.00) 
Rather than your typical roll-on or spray deodorants, it’s a jarred paste that’s applied to the under-arm using your fingertips. Wow! This product was by far the most effective of the bunch, allowing for a quick trip to the hair salon for a bang trim.
While these deodorants won’t stand up to a wedding in mid-July or asking the boss for a raise, you can definitely stand up while using them, so long as you’re in a shaded area with plenty of cross-breeze and then remain very, very still for the remainder of the afternoon. Good luck!
