So you make more money than your boo. So what? Here’s what: Even if he acts like it’s not a big deal, he probably sees your success as a never-ending attack on his ego. Except for the time you bought him an expensive gas-starting charcoal grill, he’s never felt comfortable with your net worth. Luckily, one place your awkwardly big wages don’t matter is in the bedroom, specifically when you’re giving him head. It’s impossible to be a woman giving a beej and also still be an important woman! Follow our advice to learn how to suck his dick like the financially insolvent sexpot of his dirtiest fantasies.
Use both hands to eagerly knead his dick like a desperate college girl.
Grasp his shaft with both hands and twist in opposite directions, as if you’re begging him to please be turned on by you despite your lack of sexual experience. If you do it right, he’ll forget that those are the same hands that you use to point at promising charts during board meetings, slam on your desk during threatening phone calls to competitors, and type emails to your wealth manager. Constantly ask, “Does this feel good?” as if you don’t trust your own instincts.
Treat his balls with the adoration and respect he craves from you in real life.
His happy hours are haunted by his bros’ jokes about how you’re walking all over his cajones with your expensive heels. So, whatever you do, don’t forget to give them some TLC during every BJ. Cradle them lovingly and squeeze softly, like they’re as tender as his sad little ego. Then, make strained eye contact with him as you softly lick his boys. He’ll feel so embarrassed for you, and in turn, he’ll feel like The Man.
Give him a better view of how low-status you look sucking him off.
Fine, you won’t let him videotape you fellating him because “dirty sexts from his last ex turned up on the Internet and you have an actual career,” or whatever. The next best thing you can do is strategically position yourself in front of a mirror or two to give him an outsider’s view of your prostrate form. He’ll feel omnipotent as he watches you blow him from multiple perspectives, including one where he can’t see how intelligent your eyes are.
Go SLOW, like you have all the time in the world.
You spend all day rushing—rushing him out of the bathroom, rushing through making him breakfast, rushing off to yet another “30 Under 30” award ceremony. Therefore, it’s vital that when you’re fellating him, you take as much time as possible. Hide all the clocks, pull down the curtains, and move your mouth real slow like his dick is frozen in time. Look at you, lollygagging while actually gagging! He’ll be transported to another dimension, one where your intimidating hourly rate definitely doesn’t apply.
Put one delicate, tiny pinky finger up his butt, hesitatingly, like you have zero ambition.
For just one short, beautiful moment, he’ll forget how butthurt he’s been about your promotion and just feel disappointed in you for trying something so awkward.
At the end of the day, remember: It’s not your fault you earn more money than him, but it is your fault if you don’t try to make him forget it. Have fun!
