We’ve all been to that dark, terrifying and confusing place – the “gigs” section of Craigslist. The majority of ads may seek hookers, hooker-maids, or maid-hookers with an open mind; but once in awhile, there’s a rare gem that could be your golden ticket to paying last month’s rent. But how do you explain that new job to your parents? Here’s how to convince them that this dicey new gig is a legitimate, respectable career move:
1. Give Yourself a Title
The ad might have called the position “coat check girl” or “fluffer”, but that’s no reason you can’t call it “Head of Apparel Acquisitions” or “Junior Manager; Rigidity Maintenance.” Hell, you watched Downtown Abbey while sitting in that smoky basement dungeon, so why not bump yourself up to “International Division?”
2. Invent a Boss
So what if you’ve never met the disembodied voice that hired you over the phone? Mumble an impossibly difficult last name so Mom and Dad have no chance of finding him on LinkedIn.
3. Make a LinkedIn Profile
This one might take a bit of thoughtful time and effort (ironic, since they hired you based on an email containing only a photo of your ankles), but it’s totally worth it! Photoshop yourself a logo and create several Yahoo! email accounts for your colleagues’ profiles (CEO, CFO, Head of HR and a few IT guys).
4. Complain, Complain, Complain
Nothing says, “I’m hard working and gainfully employed” like whining about it! You may only “work” six hours a week writing book reports for a ring of lazy, privileged middle schoolers, but get your bitch on and your parents will eat it up! “I’m fine, just super stressed – Jessica, a new client, is really riding my ass for the Salinger report. I mean, I’ll get it done, it’s just a big hassle”.
Remember: “legitimate” business is in the eye of the beholder.