It can be hard to know exactly what your vagina is telling you when an unexpected issue crops up. What do the signs mean? And when should you see a doctor? Figuring out what’s up down there gets extra confusing when a jealous witch sees you kissing her crush and points her crooked finger at your vagina, cursing it into eternal sentience. Now your labia lips are flapping at you and you’re trying to make sense of what’s wrong. Here’s what she may be trying to tell you.
It used to be that when your vagina was itchy for one reason or another, you would just feel it. But now you hear a constant muffled cry of “I’m so iiiiitchy,” coming from down below. The itch could be caused by an infection such as thrush, a reaction to synthetic underwear or clothes, or vaginal dryness brought on my menopause. Give your girl the best with cotton undies, organic tampons, and if the itch persists take that loud mouth to an understanding OBGYN.
She’s experiencing discharge.
If your normally polite conscious vagina is suddenly coughing and sneezing a lot, it might be because of an unusual discharge. This might be a sign of BV (bacterial vaginosis), so get her to a doc for treatment, whether or not she’s telling you outright. Give her a break – she’s cursed!
She’s in pain.
If your vagina keeps screaming “ouch!” during sex, it might be due to vaginal dryness. It could also indicate an STI or inflammation of the cervix. As embarrassing as it might seem to explain the symptoms as well as the fact that your vagina talks, it’s important to bring up things like dryness and a curse from an old witch with your GP so they can hopefully be resolved.
Vaginal smell can vary over the course of the month, but if your vagina keeps asking you, “What’s that fish smell? Are we at the beach?” it might indicate BV and you’ll need to get a pH-balancing medication. You may also want to track down that witch.
So the next time your vagina’s saying something crazy, don’t just write it off on account of her being a talking vagina, take her complaints seriously! You (and she) are worth it.