You’re a woman who knows she’s worthy of male attention, but you may not know the surefire way to grab it: by queefing extremely loudly. Queefing is when your vagina farts, but it’s so much more than that. Here are four situations where you can get every man’s attention by queefing louder than any other woman in the room. You got this!
At The Bar
There are so many men at bars, so this is a high-risk, high-reward situation. If you’re able to queef loudly enough to be heard over all that noise, hundreds of men will look at you and say, “I think that girl just queefed…” But if some other chick queefs louder, you’ve lost your shot and she’ll be bathing in all that tasty male attention you showed up for. So plant your feet, breathe in from your vagina, and queef like there’s no tomorrow! You’ll be glad you did!
At The Meeting
You and your co-worker are giving a presentation to the mostly male board. It’s a big deal, but you notice all eyes are on your co-worker. Don’t panic! Instead, just queef! Drink a sip of water, trap some air in that vag, and let ‘er rip! Every single person is guaranteed to whip their head around to confirm that you did in fact just queef during the meeting. Someone may even say, “Are you okay??” Fact is – you’ve never been better. Time to promote this girl to Chief of Queefs!
At The Wedding
It’s your friend’s wedding, and she is getting a huge amount of attention. Time to redirect all of it to you, via a thunderous queef! Use your vagina lungs, fill up, and shatter those stained glass windows with your loud ass queef! You know you did it when every man is looking at you, including the near-deaf father of the bride, who just shouted, “Did you just queef at this beautiful and expensive wedding?” It may be her day, but it’s your queef, bitch.
At The Coffee Shop
Spot a cute male barista who’s not making eye contact from behind the counter? TIME TO QUEEF! The rest of the men in line will back away and all other women at the coffee shop will vanish in your vag glow, knowing you’re a badass queef bitch who needs her coffee now. And that barista? Well, you’ve got his attention. Order that latte, and tip him in queefs, y’all!
Use queefs in these situations to guarantee every man does a double take, wondering if you really did just vagina fart that loudly in public. Welcome to your queefdom, Queef Queen!