So you and your partner are living that meal prep life and just dying for the next cheat day – welcome to the club! If you’re looking to amp up your Saturday with an indulgent recipe that breaks all the rules, here are a few delicious dishes that don’t even come close to leaving your boring healthy partner and having a torrid affair with someone who smokes cigarettes for dinner. Bon appétit!
Start off with this flavor-packed appetizer that packs a sweet and savory punch with every bite. Just take some dates, wrap them in a slice of bacon, and pop ‘em in the oven for 20 minutes, and you’ll have an indulgent snack that won’t even come close to the feeling you’d have if you left Jeff at home with some paleo nut balls and basked in the neverending pleasure of a torrid affair with a stranger, one who treats you like a real woman and never asks you to buy more eggs. But bacon is fine for now.
Buffalo Chicken Nachos
There is no end to what you can stack on a pile of nachos – why not make it a meal? With a pile of dirty, saucy pulled chicken, melty cheese, and heaps of sour cream, you’ll be saying, “This is pretty good, but not as good as fucking the shit out of Steven, your coworker who eats bread.”
Creamy Mushroom and Bacon Pasta
Bacon makes another appearance in this dense and satisfying entrée, reminding you again that bacon is a paltry substitute for multiple orgasms and from a woman who will look at you quizzically if you mention your “macros” but will go down on you for hours. There is no pasta dish better than illicit sex.
Peanut Butter Cookie Dough Cheesecake Bars
You can pack all the words you want into your dessert, but no amount of refined sugar will ever fill the void inside of you when Jeff says, “You can’t exercise away a bad diet” while recording his water consumption for the day. You know what will? Raw-dogging with a 22-year-old human boner who doesn’t know what a carb is. Jeff never has to know!
Cheat day might be the best day of the week, but only if you ignore the idea that affairs are a thing you could also do while eating pizza. So get out there and let loose, girl! You’ve earned it!