3 Choker Necklaces That Will Keep You From Turning Back Into an Old Crone

Maybe you have a wristwatch collection, maybe you like decorative barrettes, or maybe you’re into bangles. But one thing’s for certain—you’re definitely keeping that choker necklace on so that nobody will see your true age and decrepit crone body, which is centuries and centuries old! Here are three stunning necklaces that will keep you from turning back into the withered old witch you always were.



Black and Red Rose Pendant Choker

What a throwback to the 90s—the 1690s! This beautiful choker is sure to attract attention and remove up to 200 years’ worth of aging from your physical appearance! With this necklace, you have the grace and elegance of a woman who wears jewels and is never afraid to show off her nubile, cursed breasts. Without this necklace, you would be so terrifyingly frail, you’d look more like a fleshy lantern than a human being. Luckily this necklace keeps you young and stylish but mostly young! Please don’t take this necklace off!



Pearl and Jewels Choker

This is the necklace to reach for when you’re getting ready for a classy evening out on the town, or for any other given moment of your life when you don’t want your true, aged form to be revealed. This necklace has an old Hollywood glamour feel, even if Hollywood didn’t exist when this powerful object was created from the darkest magic in this realm! Make sure this choker is clasped tightly in the back, because it’s the only thing that keeps you from shriveling up into the skinny droop of a woman you truly are. This little number will ensure you’re still having as much young hot-person sex as you can while the men are still alive!!




Opal and Turquoise Choker

For an extra sparkle, reach for this choker necklace to “glamour” yourself into looking forever 29! These jewels match with every color, which is lucky because you absolutely need to wear it every day! If you don’t, you’ll literally decay into a stack of skinny bones with eyeballs and a translucent skin dress. That’s what you look like without this necklace because you’ll no longer be protected by magic, and suddenly gravity is doing straight up savage things to your body. Don’t fucking take this necklace off!!! Cool choker, old body, can’t lose!!


With these chokers, you can be the greatest beauty of your age at any age! Wear them, and you’ll stay young forever, at least until it’s your turn to sacrifice your old crone body to bring Jon Snow back to life.