We’ve all had those nights: the ones where we toss and turn, dreaming of missed deadlines and forgotten articles of clothing, and wake up even more exhausted than before. The worst! Well, you know whose entire life is made up of nights like that? Former Secretary of State and presidential candidate Hillary Clinton. Here are 10 common stress dreams that everyone has from time to time and that Hillary Clinton has every single night, always in the same order, causing her to dread even the soft caress of sleep:
1. Missing a Plane
Ugh, who hasn’t woken with a start, heart racing, from this transportation nightmare? Answer: Hillary Clinton, because this is only the first of many in her nightly sequence of identical stress dreams. Better buckle your seatbelt, Hillz, because you’re about to experience some turbulence in your exhausted genius brain.
2. Late For a Test
The worst part of this common stress dream is that, in addition to being late for a test, you’re also back in high school. Yuck! Who needs that in their subconscious? Certainly not Hillary Clinton, who graduated from high school in 1965 before going on to earn degrees from Wellesley and Yale. Just because she’s never failed a test in her life doesn’t mean she doesn’t dream about failing one every night of her life, always in this particular order. Sorry, Hillary!
3. Childhood Home on Fire
Is there anything worse than watching your teddy bear burn and knowing you can’t save him? Yes—watching all the progress you and your party have made burn thanks to a Republican Congress, every night, for 15 years. It’s hard to comprehend just how much pressure she’s under, but this particular haunting dream sequence can give us all an idea.
4. Teeth Falling Out
They say this common stress dream is often a result of nighttime teeth grinding, which, in Hillary’s case, can you really blame her? If she ground her teeth during the day she might be perceived as bitter or oversensitive, so she has to get it all out at night. Yikes!
5.Naked in Public
We can almost guarantee you’ve had this stress dream—it’s one of the most common out there. From work to your grandparents’ house, there’s no good place to realize you’ve forgotten your pants—and no one knows that better than Hillary Clinton, whose version of this dream usually takes place on the Senate Floor or in a meeting of world leaders. For someone who is constantly judged on every aspect of her appearance, this dream is especially harrowing every time it comes right after the previous dream and before the next one.
6. Losing Something Important
The “losing something important” dream is particularly common the day before an important event, such as a job interview or a wedding. Unfortunately for Hillary Clinton, every fucking day of her life is an important event, one on which the future of these United States hinges. It’s kind of weird that this happens in such a rigid format, right?
8. Being Chased
We’re sure you can all relate to this one. But not as much as Hillary, who has been having this stress dream since she was a young co-ed dedicating herself to the Civil Rights Movement and being the first student in Wellesley’s history to deliver the commencement address. One possible interpretation is that Mrs. Clinton has always been acutely aware of the limited time she has to make this country a better place for all its citizens. Run, Hillary, Run!
8. Falling
Most people who have this common stress dream wake up before they hit the ground, but not Hillary Clinton. No, her dream-self is forced to experience the pain of impact every night, approximately an hour before waking. This is likely because she is painfully aware of the horrendous consequences that would befall the United States should she fail.
9. Out-of-Control Car
Our reports indicate that this one has been especially vivid to Hillary in recent weeks.
10. End of the World
This one is actually good for the Democratic candidate, as it gets her in the right mindset for the day ahead.
Well, there you have it! Know that you are not alone in your stress dreaming, and that Hillary Clinton has it much worse.
