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Department of Transportation Adds Lanes You Can Drift Into While Adjusting Playlist

Woman Texting Group Chat About Crush Double-Checks That ‘Atlantic’ Editor Not in Here

Woman’s Decision to Attend Sporting Event Based on How Bad She Wants a Hot Dog

Woman Showing Doctor Where It Hurts Just Gesturing Broadly at World

Woman Shocked by Her Low Account Balance Despite Having No Budget, Goals, or Self Control

Trump Signs Inflation Expansion Act

Man Wants You to Stop Being a Sheep and Just Trust the Federal Government

Cool! This Woman Can’t Focus on Anything Unless It Is a Distraction From Something Else

REPORT: Sandwich Too Wet

How to Take It One Day at a Time Even Though You’re Going to Have to Do That for Every Day Forever

Roommate Convinced Apartment Is Haunted by Ghost Who Only Ever Takes Out the Recycling

Woman Would Have Awesome Thoughts if She Were Comfortable With Even One Minute of Boredom

Woman’s Career Goals Don’t Line Up With Goal of Getting Breakfast Nook

Woman Sitting Up Really Straight for 4 Minutes Figures Posture Good Now

Entire Outfit Planned Around Which Bra Is Clean

Therapist Can’t Believe You Keep Listening to Her Instead of Just Seeking Vengeance

Woman Spends Bath Trying Not to Pee

Plan to Embark on Lifelong Health Journey Derailed by Friend Asking to Do Happy Hour Later

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