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Woman Wastes Years of Life Being Insecure About Wrong Thing

Advent Calendar Corners Market for Pill Box Filled With Chocolate

Woman Only Outgoing Around Shy Losers

Playlist That Started Out Cohesive Now Just List of Every Song Woman Has Ever Liked

What the Fuck? Dishes That Woman Didn’t Do Still Aren’t Done

‘I Have Decision Fatigue,’ Says Woman Whose Only Decision in Last 7 Years Has Been Not Going to Law School

Smart! This Woman Isn’t Having Kids Because They Would Fuck Up Her Spotify Wrapped

How to Celebrate Chrismukkah by Lighting Your Christmas Tree on Fire

Woman Decries Consumerism but Only When It’s Time to Buy Gifts for Others

Spa Day? Woman Opens Dishwasher Mid-Cycle

Guy Struggling to Take Off Girlfriend’s Complicated Lingerie Set Enjoying the Enrichment Time

Weird! Job Market Somehow Only Bad for Specifically You

Woman Optimizes Sleep by Avoiding Blue Light for Two Seconds Before Bed

‘There is No Ethical Consumption in Capitalism,’ Says Woman Broiling Baby Seal She Bought Half Off at Walmart

Thanksgiving Leftovers on Fourth Reincarnation Beg for Sweet Release of Garbage Disposal

Why I Stopped Supporting the Turkey Pardon and Focused on Creating a Just System of Turkey Community Care

Yes! Toilet Paper Roll With Just Enough Left Not This Poop’s Problem

Santa Warning Friends in Advance He’s Just in Town for a Work Thing and Can’t Meet Up

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