Author Archives for Madeline Goetz

Boyfriend’s Best Underwear on Par With Worst Kitchen Rag

‘Tom Cruise Does His Own Stunts,’ Says Woman Hyping Herself Up to Make a Phone Call

‘No Is a Complete Sentence,’ Says Woman Who’s Still Gonna Give a Whole Speech Explaining Why

Seeds Already Being Sown for Family Thanksgiving Blowout Fight

Phew! Art Not AI, Just Authentically Ugly

Woman Who Lives in a Big City Nervous She’ll Still Somehow Cause a Forest Fire

Most of Woman’s Closet Purely Decorative

Woman Great at Keeping a Secret as Long as No One Asks Her About It

‘I Love Country Music!’ Says Woman Who Loves Songs About Murdering Your Husband

Woman’s Skin Looks Amazing Until It’s Time to Take a Picture

I LIVED IT: I Was Late to a Meeting and My Boss Made Me Run Laps

Woman’s Tiny Little Treat $85

Shit! Pay Later Is Now

Pathetic Loser Searching for Self in Acquaintance’s End of Summer Photo Dump

Wow! God Created Grand Canyon by Picking at Tiny Hill That Would Have Gone Away on Its Own

RFK Jr. Announces Coughing Up Bunch of Blood Into a Handkerchief Totally Normal

WTF? High School Boyfriend Now a 40-year-old Man

70% Off Sale Still Too Expensive

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