After learning the results of the election, members of the popular Facebook group Pantsuit Nation have reportedly retreated to the hills to form a Pantsuit Nation of their own.
The national upheaval began as soon as Donald Trump accepted his presidency. Women nationwide left their laptops at home, put on their pantsuits, stocked up on IUDs, and began their retreat into the wild.
“It’s clear that there’s nothing left we could achieve through Facebook, which seemed so limiting,” says the nation’s new leader, whose “hill name” is Nasty. “So we had no choice but to go out and form an actual nation.”
“We’re heading into the hills because our Hill was ripped away from us,” claims Pantsuit Nation’s official statement. “All women are welcome. Pantsuits are encouraged, but not required because we believe in the radical notion that women should have rights over their bodies.”
The original Pantsuit Nation, a secret supportive Facebook group, contains over 3 million members, which was more than enough to constitute a new country. The new Pantsuit Nation nation hopes to give women a space where they are free to be female.
“We would rather live in constant fear of our uteruses being ripped out by a bobcat than by Donald Trump,” explains pantsuiter, Gloria D’Amato. “We’re all excited to live in a place surrounded by other supportive women where we can escape feeling persecuted. We haven’t really figured out what we’re gonna do when we get there.”
According to reports, Hillary Clinton has already been elected President over the women of the hills.
“It’s gonna be wild,” says another woman of the Pantsuit Nation, Anne Putnam. “I was scared at first because I don’t know anything about a life beyond Facebook groups, but it feels better to be out here with nothing to protect me but other women, than out there where no one is protecting me at all. Plus sometimes there are wolf puppies!”
The new nation is reportedly fueled by a large furnace of burning underwire bras. However, the nasty nation held onto their sports bras for comfort reasons.
“It gets real floppy in the hills.”
It is not clear at this point how large this newly formed nation may become, but it is clear that they are absolutely never coming back.
