Woman Arrives Late With Coffee and Breakfast From Two Different Places

Lena Karpinksi arrived 30 minutes late to work yesterday morning, ready with a flurry of apologies, excuses, and oddly a coffee and complicated breakfast sandwich that were clearly purchased at two different locations.


“She said the trains were all fucked,” says her boss, Amadi Lanata. “But if that were the case why did she take the time to stop at both the sandwich place and the coffee shop. I know they don’t make those sandwiches at Blue Bottle. And she was definitely drinking a pour-over coffee. She’s not fooling anyone.”


“It’s crazy out there!” she explained while rushing through the door, sipping her coffee. “I thought about taking a cab but that probably would’ve taken even longer.”



Coworkers note that both coffee and snacks are readily available at the office, and most coworkers would’ve just made do with what was on hand.


“I even got up early today because the trains have been so terrible this week, and in spite of that, I was still somehow late,” adds Karpinksi. “It’s like it can’t be avoided.”


Karpinski derailed a morning meeting an additional six minutes in order to fully explain the circumstances of her commute, multiplying the total lost hours of work via everyone in attendance, all the while stuffing her face with an artisan bacon and egg sandwich.


“I’m sorry to be eating in front of everyone,” she said. “I just haven’t had any time.”