Is your foreplay too elaborate? Maybe it’s time to get back to basics. Sometimes the sexiest moves are actually also government-approved methods for fire safety. Kill two birds with one stone and check out these tips to both spice up your love life—and avoid excruciating third-degree burns!
STOP. It’s difficult to commit yourself to the moment while checking your work email, cleaning your apartment, or panicking about the raging inferno engulfing your step-mom’s hoarder nest. Get yourself to a safe and sexy place and press yourself against your guy. Are you feeling hot? This is when you’ll figure out if the tingle down there is friskiness or tickling flames creeping up your pant leg.
DROP. Get down, girl! Drop it like it’s hot, because it probably is. He will like what he sees! For an added bonus, reach up to feel if the “knob” is hot. Proceed with caution. If it’s his penis that’s red-hot, lean in for a little oral action to fan the flames. If it’s an actual doorknob that’s warm to the touch, check for smoke under the door. Cover your nose, mouth, and eyes for added mystery and safety.
ROLL. Pull your man to the ground and grind on him while still wearing as much clothing as possible. This will work whether you’re burning with love or burning with flames on your cute rayon blouse. Continue to writhe around on the floor—you’ll know when it feels right to stop and move on to the big event (whether that’s sexual intercourse or a narrow escape to the burn unit).
Repeat these steps until the fire is out, if you know what we mean. Pat yourself on the back (this will snuff any smoldering embers) for creating a hot love session and/or escape from a near-certain, fiery death.
