A woman revealed this week that she can achieve orgasm (“cum”) simply by clearing out her inbox and unsubscribing from email lists.
46-year-old Shannon Miller says that after her husband Steve started going on longer trips for work and their sex life slowly deteriorated, she began to spend more time online. “I thought I was past my sexual prime, and that perhaps I should just give up,” Miller says. “But then I discovered unsubscribing from email lists.”
What began as a pleasant stirring sensation gained from the perceived efficiencies of unsubscribing quickly evolved into a powerful orgasm that swept through her entire body. Miller discovered that the relief of being let go by the invisible hand of the modern market contributed to the best sex of her life.
“The first time it happened, I was unsubscribing from Old Navy emails—though I do still have a Google alert for Old Navy fleece, since they have some good deals—and it was such a quick release that at first I didn’t even realize I was coming.”
Once she discovered her untapped, email-triggered sexuality, Shannon was able to climax nearly 16 times a day simply from scrolling to the bottom of emails and clicking unsubscribe. She admits that sometimes she quickly resubscribes or finds other lists to join, but for now the thrill is still novel.
“It kind of ended up saving my marriage, actually,” Shannon admits. “I mean, Steve is still deeply unsatisfied sexually. But I think he’s happy overall. I don’t know. I haven’t asked him, to be honest. I’ve been too busy checking my email. Ooh, here comes another one!”