It’s been a crazy week for me, but I’m finally ready to be honest with everyone about my life and my identity.
It’s simple. I identify as a public spectacle.
Ever since I was born, I knew I was different. From the humble teepee where I was born to the near-constant hate crimes I’ve experienced throughout my life, and all the media attention I receive today, I realized that all of these experiences are indicative of who I authentically am: I’m a complete train wreck, and you are physically incapable of looking away from me. I’m an enigma wrapped in a mystery wrapped wrapped in reflective tape wrapped in a thought piece. Any questions?
Validating my identity is life or death. At least in the sense that I will figuratively die if people stop paying attention to my very difficult life.
For every interview I get on national television, that’s one less moment I have to examine my own motives. Every wild lie that the media calls out is one more missed opportunity for me to reflect on how my actions have affected the people around me. I guess the cycle of public spectacle really does perpetuate itself. How could I have been so blind to see who I am inside?
Also, did you know that I wore a dreadlock wig while undergoing treatment for cancer? Are you now wondering if I ever had cancer in the first place? The confusion you feel is making me grow stronger and more powerful every minute.
After making sure that my personal narrative touched on every hot-button issue in American culture today, I thought, am I really just a gossip blog’s wet dream? And I realized, I was. It’s as if I was created by a very intelligent SEO strategist—but I wasn’t. I am just another one of God’s creations who thrives on attention, no matter what kind.
If you think about it, I’m really supporting the entire media publication industry right now, just by being myself. You’re welcome, Internet!
If you’re getting bored of the stories about me that have been circulating, don’t worry. As someone who identifies as a public spectacle and has drawn pictures of myself as such since the tender age of five, I have tons of wild shit to say about myself. If people are starting to getting bored, or feel like they’ve resolved any of the complicated identity issues surrounding me, or have just moved on to other stories, don’t worry, I’ve got more for you. For example, did you know that I taught a course called “The Black Woman’s Struggle” despite being whiter than Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman? How are you gonna make sense of that in your liberal worldview?
And did you know I’m bisexual, too? Well, I am. That’s not salacious, but I expect you to lose your minds anyway. It’s just like, what am I? Am I gay? Straight? Black? White? Sociopath? No. Truly, I am a spectacle. And that is how I identify.
I also identify as unemployed, so please buy my book when it comes out.