As this somewhat disappointing summer comes to an end, it can be tempting to get carried away in an elaborate autumnal fantasy. For instance, is the guy you’re checking out actually hot and outsoorsy or simply ~vibing~ in a Lightweight Synchilla® Snap-T® fleece from Patagonia. Here are a couple q’s to ask yourself before going for it!
Where does he live?
- He lives in a small mountain town somewhere outside Bend, Oregon. He moved there after college to be a ski bum for a year but never left because he can’t really see himself in a big city.
- 28th and 3rd – many will call that Murray Hill but it’s technically Gramercy, as he will frequently remind you.. You’ll often see him throwing on his El-Cap Khaki fleece if he’s just running out to the Bodega to grab some eggs or beer.
What does he do?
- That depends. During the off-season, he mostly works with his hands – taking whatever odd-jobs he can find. In the winters, he patrols the slopes until it’s time to meet up with a small but tight-knit group of friends at the local dive bar.
- He works in finance, but not even the kind where you make a ton of money. Something to do with bonds. His office gets super cold so he always has his Classic Retro-X Fleece Jacket on hand.
What are his hands like?
- His hands are rugged and rough.. And yet, the moment you hold them, they feel like home.
- Palid and limp. His physical therapist recommended a couple wrist stretches to prevent Carpal Tunnel, but he has no idea where he put the print-out.
Does he actually exist?
- Absolutely not! This person is a fictional amalgamation of several mountain-man tropes from film and TV. Even if someone like this were to exist, his political views would likely horrify you.
- You’re darn right he does! You’re standing behind him at Pret right now.
Congrats! You found a hunky, outdoorsy type. With a perpetual 5 o’clock shadow, all this guy wants to do is cook chicken confit in his cast iron and build flower beds for the yard. Jackpot!
Whoops, foiled again! This guy sucks and is just wearing a cool, brightly-patterned Patagonia fleece. He has never been camping and scooped it at REI while he was looking for those gloves that let you text!