Personal Space Breached By Drunk Aunt Sue

The Annual Clark Family Holiday Party took a turn for the worse when an inebriated Aunt Sue began invading personal space to talk about her ex-husband, Larry.


“It was awful,” said Sue’s niece, Addison. “I didn’t mind her being drunk or talking about Uncle Larry, but I wish she hadn’t leaned her head on my shoulder while she spoke.”


Sue’s niece, Jennifer, agreed: “She cupped my face with her hands and told me to never marry a man named Larry. It’s like she’d never heard of a ‘personal bubble.’”


As the night continued, Aunt Sue’s commitment to making everyone uncomfortable only grew with intensity. At one point, she forcefully opened Grandma Bette’s mouth and screamed into it, “I don’t care what Larry does in his fancy retirement bungalow in Tampa, as long as he gets swallowed by a sinkhole!”



Attempts to avoid Aunt Sue proved unsuccessful throughout the evening. “Even when I tried to hide in the kitchen pantry, she’d sneak up on me and sit on my lap and made me look through her old wedding album while doing butterfly kisses on my neck,” reported Stacy Kelly, a co-worker of Sue’s son. “I didn’t mind the conversation, but my legs went numb after only three photos.”


“We’re here for Ma,” said Anna, Sue’s daughter. “But by ‘here’ I mean emotionally. We really wish she would stop touching us.”


Aunt Sue was last seen giving open-mouth kisses to her nephew Stephen while thanking him for not siding with Larry in the divorce.