More Women Than Ever Are Running For Office? Um, I’d Rather Run FROM My Office!

Record numbers of women are running for elected office this year? Pfft! As soon as the clock hits 5:00, I practically run FROM my office! LOL TGIF!


Someone told me that, historically, women are less likely to think they are qualified to run even when they have the same amount of experience as men. Um, how’s this for experience: I still don’t know how to edit a PDF! And I don’t WANNA know! Microsoft Word is enough! Sheesh! Amirite ladies?!?!


I also hear that while half the American population is female, only 1 out of every 5 representatives currently in Congress are women. Well, I only WORK about 1 out of every 5 “work days!” Working hard? More like HARDLY WORKING! I surf the internet constantly! Yahoo News is my third child – out of wedlock, if you know what I mean!!


Around three-quarters of the women running this year are Democrats? Well, the other day I put three quarters into the break room vending machine, and NOTHING came out! My Smartfood got STUCK! I nearly marched into my boss’s office and QUIT right then and there! If I can’t keep a full snack drawer, how am I supposed to get through TUESDAY? ACK!!


People say that when women have a seat at the table, equality for other marginalized groups follows. Honey, I’ll take a SEAT anywhere I can find! Standing desks are HORRIFIC, and don’t even get me started on those EXERCISE BALL chairs! The only place worse than the office is the GYM! WTF! Get that crap out of here! I want to lay down.


Someone kept gabbin’ at me recently, saying that with more women were in power, reproductive health care would be more accessible and less regulated. Um, that actually sounds pretty good to me! Hell, I’d have a baby, if it would mean several weeks of paid time OFF! I really hate to work.



In 1992 so many women were elected to the Senate that it was deemed “The Year of the Woman.” Uh, when we gonna get started on “The WEEKEND Of The Woman?!” I wanna try one of those clay masks! If you need me, I’ll be on the COUCH!


This November, a record number of women will be on the ballot. And supposedly, female voters will also turn out in record numbers. You won’t find me there though. I’ll be listening to SPOTIFY all day in my cube, while trying to hide from my boss!