Kay Jewelers Releases An Even Fuglier Necklace

After years of “charming” Mickey Mouse pendants, diamond-encrusted dolphins, and engraved baby feet, Kay Jewelers has just released an even fuglier necklace than ever before.


“The necklace is part of our curvy heart looking thing collection,” explains the designer, Michelle Anderson. “We’ve had all these swoopy hearts but none of them were quite as hideously unrecognizable as we thought a heart could be. We really went over the top for this one.”


The new necklace, which includes a series of weird loops, can be custom engraved with the name of your mom and fitted with up to six gemstones including lab-created opal and lab-created sapphire.

“It’s really disgusting,” says Kay Jewelers CEO Mark Fawcett. “I mean look at this thing. It’s everything we wanted.”



So far the consumer reception has been positive.


“Oh my god! Look at this one! I need this in white gold immediately,” said 61-year-old Gloria Young of Fort Myers, viewing the new selection.


According to the company’s projections, the new necklace will have thousands of uncles rolling their eyes at the cost as they say, “For that?! Okay, fine but we’re postponing the cruise.”