I’m Ready To Start Over New With My Ex-Boyfriend

After my three-year relationship with Mark came crashing to an end, I am finally ready to start something new. With Mark.


How did I get here? Simple: I was here.


Back when things fell apart, I cried my eyes out for months over him. I spent way too much money in the sale section of Urban Outfitters hoping that the right pair of shorts would make him love me. They didn’t. It was a good thing I had my girls with me throughout the whole mess to help me forget him and move on—and I’ve done just that. I decided to leave the past behind me and begin something new, and I’m so glad I did, because it left me open to start a beautiful new relationship with Mark all over again.


Starting over wasn’t easy. I had to burn my old life to the ground in order to build a new life in the same exact burned-up place. I discarded all those little mementos that reminded me of old Mark. The movie stubs, the towels, the candy he gave me but I never ate on our third date, his brother’s T-shirt he has no idea I stole, the flowers my mom gave me for me and Mark’s anniversary because he “doesn’t do flowers”—all of it, gone! Thrown away forever! I’ve made room to put new stuff in, to collect memories of a new relationship and the new me! And I am very happy to say that the new guy is my ex-boyfriend, Mark!


Life really opens up when you do!


I recently cut my hair so I wouldn’t appear to be the same person. Nothing like a fresh cut or dye job, post-first Mark relationship to remind him I’m no longer that girl he was with was—I’m a new person! We are starting a new thing, so why not be a girlfriend with bangs this time? It won’t be anything like my (our) last relationship—we’re totally new versions of the same people!



The new me is now taking barre classes and becoming healthier. As my thighs get tighter and I leave a stench of sweat throughout my car, I can tell the new me is ready to debut. I was so tired of my last relationship being so stagnant—and now I am moving forward in a different relationship with the same person! Getting it right and tight again for Mark!


He’s new Mark and I’m new me, so he won’t cheat!


I am a blank page, a tabula rasa, ready to open myself to new places, new routines, and most of all, this new relationship. We used to just breakup and get back together constantly, but no more! That (our) last relationship is history—never to be repeated again!


I can just feel the tides turning already. He even lets me stay over on Tuesday nights! I couldn’t imagine Mark doing that last time. Plus, he lets me brush my teeth with my own toothbrush that I’m not allowed to leave at his place but can totally use. Uh, excuse me, but who are you and what have you done with old Mark? It feels good to be in something new.


I am ready to wipe clean that former relationship. I forgot all the ways he touched my hair for this new relationship where he touches my hair the exact same way but it’s completely different. I promise, everything is new!


Wait, has anyone seen new Mark? It’s like 4 AM.