I’m A 7 In New York, A 10 In The Midwest, And A One-Million In Pacifica, The Lost City At The Ocean’s Floor

There are so many chic and beautiful women living in New York, it can be so hard to keep up. I may not be the prettiest girl in the world, but I make it work with what I have. I highlight my best features, like my eyes and hair, while downplaying the features I’m not wild about.


But all that changes when I leave New York: I may be a 7 here in the city, but I’m a 10 in the Midwest, and also a 1 million in Pacifica, the lost city at the ocean’s floor.


It’s hard to not feel a little self-conscious in New York when even your barista looks like a model! On the other hand, women in the Midwest just don’t seem to subscribe to the same beauty standards and regimens, and in Pacifica many of the women have gills and scaly fish-skin. Also, they use an entirely different ranking system, with an exchange rate that heavily favors land-dwellers.


In New York, I can’t even get the bartender to notice me. But in the Midwest, I can usually get a guy to buy me a drink. And in Pacifica, the underwater metropolis, the mermaids and mermen have made me their queen, and adorned me with the most beautiful sea jewels and pearls. Don’t mind if I do!


In New York, sure, I get asked on dates here and there, but in Pacifica, the sunken city mythologized in ancient Nordic scrolls, mermen will give anything to rub their sweet gills all over my supple body, which is entirely unmarred by boat propellers. I guess that’s what makes me a perfect 1 million!



In New York I have a hard time getting men to text me back. And in the Midwest, I definitely rack up the catcalls, but one time, in Pacifica, two sea-creatures actually fought to the death using golden tridents for the chance to mate with me. Njord, lord of the dolphins, emerged victorious and the two of us copulated for hours in a hammock constructed of sea anemone. Umm, yeah, like that would ever happen to me in New York!


Being beautiful on the outside isn’t the most important thing in the world. True beauty comes from treating others with warmth and kindness, and making the most of your unique talents. But when I’m needing a little bit of an ego boost in the form of male attention, there’s no place I’d rather be than Pacifica.