I Support Medicare For All Except Brendan, May He Perish In Haste

It’s so important to be aware of the issues that are being fought for in the political sphere. To me, the most crucial right that we’re battling for is healthcare. And that’s why I’ll only vote for a candidate whose platform includes providing healthcare to everyone, regardless of income. Because I fully, 100% support Medicare for all, with the single exception of my ex-boyfriend Brendan, who I hope perishes in haste.


You see, the US is one of the only remaining wealthy, western countries that doesn’t offer universal healthcare as a rule. I think that’s it’s frankly embarrassing to be so far behind on an issue that other developed nations have been on board with for decades. The fact that so many of our citizens cannot see a doctor or afford their medication is a national disgrace. We need government-mandated Medicare for every single person who lives in this country. Unless that person happens to be one Brendan Lackey-Overheart, a piss-poor excuse for a man. He can drop dead from an STD run rampant for all I care.


It’s simply not acceptable for a country to not provide for its citizens, especially a country like ours that has all the resources it could ever need. Countless numbers of people have suffered and even died due to lack of routine doctor’s visits or the cost of insulin or a dearth of prenatal care. And while my piece of shit ex Brendan does have asthma which does require the use of an albuterol inhaler that his insurance doesn’t cover fully, that’s not necessarily who I’m referring to when I say that we need Medicare for everyone. I’m talking everyone but him, you know? Like your grandma and your neighbors and literally every person who lives and breathes in this country, except Brendan’s sorry bitch ass. Let him suffer and die; he deserves it.


I have friends that live abroad who are nervous to come to the US for lots of reasons, but the main one is that they’re concerned about needing medical care and being stuck with a huge bill. To be the one rich country that can’t guarantee that people can get hurt or sick without having to declare bankruptcy? That is humiliating and that is why I support Medicare for all, universally, just not for Brendan. His family can have it, sure, they were super nice to me. Even the girl he cheated on me with for a year and a half deserves to be unburdened by a surprise medical emergency. Not stupid ass dumb ass punk ass Brendan, though. I can’t think of anyone walking the planet who doesn’t deserve universal healthcare except for him. In fact, if God could expedite his death, that’d be great for me and for the world.



Look, my politics are open to interpretation. I’m always happy to change my mind about an issue if presented with new information. But one thing I feel totally, infallibly solid about is that I 100% support Medicare for all, exclusive of Brendan, who I personally feel should be burned slowly before he is drowned quickly. What a waste of life he is, and what a waste of universal healthcare he would be.