After my last breakup, I felt like I would never be able to put myself back together again. I had always been in a relationship and wasn’t comfortable being on my own. But after some deep reflection and personal work, I finally realized that I am enough. And after a little more introspection, I’ve realized that yeah, I’m probably also a little bit too much.
In my last relationship, I depended on my partner for everything, and set some pretty unhealthy double-standards in the process. I would resent him for not answering my texts within ten minutes but then would be annoyed if he made himself too available. Then, when he ended things, I cried for weeks. Although the breakup was devastating, there was a silver lining: I started spending alone time with myself for the first time. And if I’ve learned anything, it’s that I am capable of being on my own! But I can be a little bit extra and key someone’s car if I get amped up and it’s actually pretty unchill.
It sounds corny, but I’m doing this thing where I’m dating myself. It was weird at first, but I’m learning so much about myself – mainly that I’m excessively dramatic and I get why people don’t really want to hang out with me.
Last week, I treated myself to a solo movie night and takeout, but when I excitedly opened my pad thai I discovered I was given chicken instead of shrimp. I burst into tears screaming that literally nothing ever goes my way (because it actually doesn’t). I am so proud that I got myself through that outburst, but in doing so I learned that I am actually waaay too much and not that fun to be around. I had to end the “self date” early because it was so exhausting and I needed a break from myself. So I kind of get why James was kind of turned off by all of this.
Now that I’m single, I have way more time to hang out with my friends. And they have been so helpful! But also wow, who knew that I do crazy shit like get drunk on one tequila shooter and then throw my best friend Gigi’s phone against a wall because “the government is listening, you guys?” I didn’t! Haha, I am everything I need in life but also I’m basically insufferable!
To all my ladies out there who think you need a man to make you feel complete, I am here to say you are capable of functioning and thriving on your own. Give yourself the gift of falling in love with yourself, or at least realizing that you are a petty narcissist who can’t really read a room.
