There are countless advice columns online telling you how to make the dick-sucking experience pleasurable for the person receiving a blowjob, but how about also making it pleasurable for the person giving one? What can you get out of sucking dick? Here’s how you can suck dick so hard you inhale it like Kirby in Super Smash Bros. and, in turn, have the chance to wield all of its power.
Open your mouth super wide.
The first step to sucking his dick so hard that it comes right off his body and into your mouth is making your mouth quite big. Much like Kirby in a brawl, you should expect to unhinge your jaw to the point where it enlarges to about 70% of your body’s size, as this size is necessary to generate enough wind power with your inhale that it sucks your boyfriend’s dick right up. Heads up – he may find this surprising!
Generate suction force equal to a jet engine.
If you’re hoping to even get close to inhaling his dick, you’ve got to generate plenty of suction force. Our scientists, who work tirelessly around the clock to answer important questions like this, estimate the force necessary to suck his dick right off is equivalent to that of a jet engine, perhaps a Boeing 787 Dreamliner. This may sound intimidating, but don’t worry! The human body is actually capable of generating this force every time you sneeze (no one from the science department has corrected us on this) so just imagine you’re sneezing in reverse! That’s right: Just put your lips together and suck!
Don’t lose hope if it seems like he’s having a bad time.
He’s probably going to hate this process, but it’s honestly not about him. You do you, girl!
Enjoy the powers that come from inhaling his dick like Kirby!
If you follow steps 1 and 2 correctly, you should find yourself inhaling his dick and wielding all its power. Congratulations! Much like Kirby when he swallows Zero Suit Samus, you should expect to be miraculously clothed in your boyfriend’s garb, perhaps with a little dick hat on your head. Feel free to run around and use your new dick power to wreak havoc however you may choose. As far as what “powers” you can expect from this process, it’s pretty much just “standing as you pee.” Enjoy!
There you have it! Don’t be afraid of trying something new in the bedroom that’s going to make sex more enjoyable for yourself and exponentially less enjoyable for your partner. Once you’ve mastered how to inhale his dick, you can move onto other fun tricks like hitting “down B” so hard you turn into a weight and crash onto his head. He’s going to love it!
