How to Get Your Hair to Look Like it Did That One Time in 2017

It’s a beautiful and rare thing for your hair to look really, really good. And it’s nearly impossible to get it to look as good as that one time in 2017 and you’re still using that as a profile pic today. Even though your hair hasn’t come close ever since, you can get there. Here’s how:


Try to track down that hairdresser who cut your hair.

Her name was Lisa? Or maybe it was Jasmine? Fuck. Go back to that salon that she immediately stopped working at after you dropped in two years ago and hound everyone. They have a policy of not keeping track of former stylists, but you simply must try. Okay, fuck. This might be harder than we thought.


Bring a photo of your hair that day to another hairdresser.

She’ll say things like, “You look really sweaty in this photo,” and talks about “chunky layers” in a way that makes you feel like she doesn’t really “get” what you’re going for. Oh well, you have to proceed. She’ll style it wrong but hopefully the cut and color is there. Now go home to…


Apply the exact same hair products that you owned in 2017 in the exact same way.

Except one of these was discontinued so you’ll have to order it on Ebay from Korea for 100x the original cost with shipping, and now it’s all crusty. Fuck. Keep going. You can do this. Start praying to your fickle god.


Maybe push it back?

Or like flip your head forward and tousle it a bit? Shit. This looks nothing like it. Why won’t it work? Is it the humidity or something?



Call your best friend on the phone, crying.

She understands why this was important to you, even though it makes no sense. There’s nothing wrong with trying to chase your dreams.


If that doesn’t fix it, have you thought about bangs? Maybe that will work. Anyway, good luck!