Breastfeeding is a natural thing, and as a natural thing, it is also beautiful, even though cannibal rats are also natural but not necessarily beautiful. The point is, it’s best to be cool with moms breastfeeding publicly, even if a suckling infant makes a squishing sound similar to a person who chews with their mouth open. The more you can prove your total acceptance and enthusiasm for breastfeeding, even at a hushed piano recital, the better a person you will be because breastfeeding is beautiful, no matter what. Here are three tips to broadcast your blanket acceptance of public breastfeeding. You can do this!
DO: Say things like, “That’s so beautiful” or “This is a perfect place for breastfeeding!”
First of all, remember, it’s not disgusting. It’s natural and beautiful and therefore great to see and hear. Children are our future, and if they don’t have milk they will die, unless they have formula, in which case they will simply drink that. Plus, can’t you get up with your legs and go somewhere else? Yes, you can. Walk, don’t talk. Breastfeeding is 100% likeable all the time. Look at how much moms love it!
DO: Smile at the mother endearingly and shout, “Your breasts are a natural and beautiful food source!”
Don’t crowd or menace the mother, however, as this could threaten her. Instead, shriek your message of hope from across a crowded room. She will almost certainly thank you for your thoughtfulness and support, or else she will call the police, who are also natural and beautiful.
DON’T: Glare at the suckling child while holding a Victoria’s Secret shopping bag.
If you do this you will out yourself as a boob hypocrite who thinks sex boobs are fine but food boobs are not. In truth, if you were truly enlightened you would accept anyone’s bare breast in any circumstance, public or private—even in your house if you don’t know the mother or the child. It still counts as public if it’s your private house and she’s breastfeeding. What’s your problem?
These three practical tips will get you through almost any situation that calls for your unwavering support of public breastfeeding. Just remember: It’s natural! It’s beautiful! And you’re 100% always totally okay with every part of it!