Are you wondering whatever happened to those almost-too-crazy-to-graduate girls you were friends with in college? They’re moms now! Check in below to see what they’re up to today:
Heather “Hook Up” Howards, Mother to twins Jayson and Brayden!
Heather famously burnt most of her right hand in a freak accident with some flaming shots during Homecoming. Despite the fact that 70% of the rugby team was in her dorm room at the time, nobody put out the fire and Heather had to replace her burnt hand with a hook-like prosthesis. Heather actually got that nickname two years before she lost her hand, but it was just as fitting afterward.
Heather now lives in Connecticut with her husband, a Republican state senator. Her sons Brayden and Jason are learning to play rugby!
Zoe Who Always Just Broke Up With Her Boyfriend, Mother to Three-year-old Taylor!
Zoe and her boyfriend Mike were always breaking up, and you mostly found her crying and drowning her sorrows in red wine and Joni Mitchell. Every two months Zoe would watch Steel Magnolias on repeat and stop bathing for days until Mike (who was not that cute) would show up at 2am to have quiet sex to that one Spoon album.
Zoe and Mike now run a marriage counseling service out of their home in Upstate New York. Their daughter Taylor is “sensitive, thoughtful, and a bit of a crier.”
Sleepy Jessica, Mother to Newborn Sam
Jessica Price slept A LOT. She wasn’t narcoleptic or depressed – she was just really sleepy. And when she wasn’t sleeping, she was smoking weed out of her $200 vaporizer and somehow having way more sex than you.
Sleepy Jessica now lives in Berkeley with her husband, Sage, and newborn baby Samantha. On raising little Sam, Jessica said, “I sleep when she sleeps.”
Klepto Amanda, Mother to Alice (7), Katie (6) and Muhammed (2)
“Hey, we could totally steal that,” Amanda said to you the first day of Freshman Orientation as you passed a large dining room table in the common room. Amanda loved to take anything she felt her tuition dollars were “technically” paying for. Honest teas from alumni events, dirty towels from the gym, and her pièce de résistance, the head of the Elizabeth Cady Stanton statue on the South Lawn.
Klepto-Amanda is now an executive producer for TLC and mother to three children all fathered by different members of the military.
Peter “Gay Peter” Peterson, Father to Julie and Esther!
Remember Peter? No, not that peter – Gay Peter. I’m not being mean, that’s what he called himself to differentiate him from his roommate Peter B. Anyway, Gay Peter was definitely the first person you did coke with. When you told him it tasted like bleach, he replied “Ugh! I love bleach! It reminds me of my mom!” He came out as bi freshmen year at your birthday party and then came out as gay an hour later, after he was seen making out with his Gender and Globalization TA, Rajid. Gay Peter taught you Electric Zoo is a place, Diplo is a person, and gender is a construct.
Today, Peter he teaches special needs kids how to read and has adopted two lovely daughters from Poland with Rajid, who lovingly call him “Mom.”