6 Summer Cocktails Your Boyfriend Will Say The Same Old Condescending Shit About

It’s summer, which means it’s time to take a few days off work and relax on the beach with a refreshing fruity drink – and a stockpile of condescending remarks from your boyfriend about your girly beverage choices! These six delicious summer cocktails are the perfect way to give yourself a treat and your boyfriend the opportunity to patronize you all summer long.


Lemonade Mimosas

Swapping out orange juice for lemonade is an easy, fizzy twist on a brunch time classic! It will also provide an easy opening for your boyfriend to take a large sip, performatively spit it out, and then say, “Does this even have alcohol in it?” as though the whole point of drinking alcohol was the taste of the alcohol. Talk about summer fun!


Raspberry Frosé

What’s better than adding raspberries to this summer’s trendiest drink? Nothing, as far as your boyfriend’s burgeoning comedy career is concerned! “I have to leave, I think I’m about to get my period” he’ll say when you whip one up in your blender, which is incidentally also what he said about last summer’s champagne popsicles.



Watermelon Sangria

An extra refreshing twist on a summertime staple, a watermelon sangria will make your mouth water and your boyfriend say, “This tastes like juice” as though that was a bad thing?????


Mango Daiquiri

Instead of the classic strawberries, find some fresh mangos to mix with rum and crushed ice. A mango daiquiri is the perfect summer drink for getting the guy in your life who is four months older than you to say that you’ll “lose your preference for sugary drinks as you get older.” Haha!


Margarita Slushy

Part frozen treat, part alcohol, only someone whose sense of his own masculinity is rooted in having a slight preference for dark liquor could think this sounds like a bad idea. The more for you, then!


Blackberry Mojito

The blackberries and mint blend perfectly into a sophisticated, thirst-quenching beverage. This accompaniment to a lazy summer Sunday will provide your boyfriend with the perfect lazy joke opportunity to ask if you’d like a juice box instead.


Another summer, another chance for your boyfriend to say something like “Ew, get that pink shit away from me!” while you get happily drunk on your roof. And don’t even get him started on Mike’s Hard!