5 Things Jenn Said While Blacked Out That Are Actually Pretty True

Last week, Jenn was completely blacked out standing in the middle of the street shouting mostly nonsense (no judgment, we’ve all been there) but honestly, many of the things she said were actually pretty true. Here are the things that Jenn said while completely shitfaced blackout drunk that really made a lot of sense if you think about it!


“She doesn’t DESERVE”

Out of context, this clause doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, but if you know that Jenn is speaking specifically about our former friend Hannah then it’s actually pretty on-point. Hannah has gotten everything she’s ever wanted and was consistently a shitty friend to both Jenn and me. She really doesn’t deserve.


“We are all stardust”

Not entirely sure what inspired this kind of cosmic insight but it rang true and still does, even now that we have all sobered up. Before matter was matter and humans were anything, we all existed in some unclear capacity in the infinite void that is and was our universe. This was right around when Jenn’s heel broke.



That’s right. She nailed it. It’s socially acceptable to just eat dough and tomato sauce with melted cheese as a meal and that’s pretty amazing. Right after saying this, she literally inhaled her second slice of scalding hot pizza without batting an eye. The next week the dentist asked her about the small burns in her mouth from the slices and she said the same exact thing.



“Wait, what?”

Trump is winning the Republican primary, bees are dying, and sometimes we all need to just take a moment to just say it: ‘Wait, what?’ Jenn is reacting to our current state of affairs honestly and incredulously. It’s important to pinch ourselves every so often and just acknowledge that this shit is happening. Blacked-out Jenn is woke af!


“I love every anyone”

This one really tapped into the type of attitude I have been trying to foster toward for a long time. In lieu of the typical ecstasy induced, ‘I love everyone’, Jenn’s choice of words actually includes. This type of raw vulnerability would make the world a much warmer place to exist. Thx, Jenn!


There you have it: five unexpectedly profound sound bites from a night spend belligerently binge drinking with Jenn. People need to pay more attention to what she has to say!