5 American Eagle Tube Tops That Won’t Bring Back Your Hymen
AE Tube Top in Red ($15.95)
This winning color-blocked bold striped top deserves a blue ribbon of its own, right next to your old gymnastics awards. And most importantly, it stays put--unlike that vaginal entrance, which tore open during your floor routine to Gina G’s “Ooh Aah...Just a Little Bit.” If only the ensuing blood splatter had been just a little bit but alas--it wasn’t. This classic AE tube top will make up for abandoning your Olympic-sized dreams in confusion and horror.
