Do you go to the gym and find yourself safely jogging to Sam Smith’s “Stay With Me”? Then your workout lacks the necessary danger and excitement that makes strangers question your stability. Step up your treadmill game with these five workouts that will make the person running next to you think, “Is this going to go horribly wrong?”
Throw ‘N Go Kettle Bell Treadmill Workout
This workout is a great way to incorporate cardio and strength training! Grab a kettle bell and make your way toward a treadmill—ideally one next to a girl enjoying a nice jog. Set your treadmill at a brisk running pace, and throw and catch the kettle bell at random points. The less predictable, the more you’ll wear out your muscles enough to become dangerous to the people around you. This technique is sure to keep your body moving and that girl burning extra calories just from worrying about her own personal safety.
Sprint and Then Stop, Now Sprint Again, STOP!
Break through that workout plateau with fat-burning interval sprints that stop abruptly when you pull the emergency safety key out of the machine. This workout alternates between flailing your arms and legs at full speed to heaving and gasping for breath as you struggle to slow down fast enough and not fall off the machine. These short bursts keep your heart rate up, as well as the heart rates of everyone around you as they picture your head slamming against the machine as you slip to your death. But you’ll burn twice the calories!!
Reverse It and Not Die!
Running backwards on your treadmill will work a whole new set of muscles and open you up to a whole new row of people on treadmills wondering why you can’t just jog for 20 minutes like everyone else. This workout focuses on the glutes and your obsessive need to complicate simple exercise.
HIIT, or Harming Innocent Individuals Training
What we love about HIIT workouts is the many ways it can put innocent bystanders in danger. Whether it’s adding a jumping jack in between strides, going for a burpee, lifting yourself up on the sides of the treadmill while you jog in the air, or juggling free weights while grape-vining, your workout will be substantially more effective at instilling terror throughout the section of treadmills. Be creative with this one—you’ll never truly know your strength until you send yourself or someone else to the emergency room.
So if you feel yourself simply going through the motions during your workout, try one of these routines that will whip you back into shape and possibly whip the person next to you in the face.
