Adopting a dog through a shelter or from a rescue group is a worthy, beautiful thing. You’re saving a life! There’s only one problem with that plan: You really want a French bulldog puppy. But who says you can’t have your cake and eat it too by telling everyone that he’s just a really pretty rescue? Not us, that’s for sure. So, for solidarity’s sake, here are the four thoughts every woman has while lying about her rescue dog:
1. “Pretending I got him as an adult is sort of like a rescue…”
Sure, no one at the dog park is looking at your Frenchie, Jon Pierre, and thinking even for a hot second that you swooped in and saved him from a bad home—who wouldn’t take good care of such a cute little face? BUT you may be able to score some cool points if you go with the angle that you got him as an adult instead of when he was an adorable puppy. That’s sort of a sacrifice in itself, right? Just make sure not to let them see your lockscreen image of him lying next to a mini croissant.
2. “It’s more like he rescued me?”
What’s the most important thing to keep in mind if you’ve rescued a dog? That damn rascal saved you! There’s literally no cap to the amount of times you can make this quip around other rescue dog owners. You’ll blend right in, except for the tiny backpack you put on Jon Pierre that has a miniature loaf of French bread in it, unlike the filthy mutts that surround him.
3. “Have I said ‘forever home’ too much?”
If you made the rookie mistake of not remembering a local shelter to reference for your adoption story, make sure to sprinkle in the phrase “forever home” so that they know that you’re down with the lingo. It won’t make them any more likely to believe that your purebred came from anywhere other than the greedy gleam in a breeder’s eye, but the familiar inside phrase will lull them into some level of submission.
4. “Was it overkill when I said I don’t know his actual genetic makeup?”
Project your voice while questioning aloud what he “could be.” Try things like “we definitely see some bulldog in there!” Even though you have papers guaranteeing his precise lineage, those snobs at the organic dog food store might be confused and polite enough to just go with it.
At the end of the day, what matters most is not giving a loving home to a tiny creature who depends on you, but that you feel superior to those around you in your dog ownership. Feel free to take anything an actual rescue-dog parent says and try and beat it. You’ll probably win, since you’re lying!
