Author Archives for Madeline Goetz

Aw! Woman Can’t Do Anything Unless It’s Been Gamified

Woman Still Thinks Height of Luxury Being Fanned by Big Leaf

‘I Could Totally Do Survivor,’ Says Woman Who Can Barely Do Sand

American Girl Releases New Doll With Gen Z Stare

Pam Bondi Redacted

Ugh! Billionaire Doesn’t Even Have Decency to Have Good Style

I LIVED IT: I Got Invested in a Reality TV Show and Now I Have One-Sided Beef With 10 Guys

Ugh! Big Baggy T-Shirt Not Big and Baggy Enough to Be Chic

Yikes! Friend You Just Complained to for an Hour Experiencing Life-Altering Tragedy

How to Rock a Paisley Bandana Even Though You’ve Never Toiled the Land

Performative Male? Man Using Typewriter on Roof of Goddamn House

Ugh! Most Annoying Friend Wants to Join Your Hypothetical Commune

How to Have Self-Confidence Even Though You Were Never Scouted at Abercrombie & Fitch

DUDE CORNER: Love Is Blind if You Do Pilates Every Day

Bachelorette Weekend More of a ‘Survivor’ Situation

Upstairs Neighbor Hits Daily Stomp Count

ANTM Documentary Reveals Modeling Competition Mostly Just Forced Dental Surgery

Adult Woman Eating Candy as if Her Dentist Didn’t Just Do All That

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