Author Archives for Madeline Goetz

Woman Who Used to Write Paragraphs on a Flip Phone Would Rather Die Than Type One Word With a Remote

Drunk as a Skunk? This Skunk Actually Passed the Breathalyzer Test and Is Good to Drive

Aw! Both Dog and Boyfriend Afraid of Vacuum

Normal! Woman Posts About Toilets 8,000 Times in Two Days

Real-Life Sitcom? These Friends are Taking a Walk Together and Having a Conversation

Nice! Woman Honks for Good and Correct Reason and No One Is Mad at Her for It

Wow! Woman Concedes Gracefully Without Siccing Violent Mob on Nation’s Capitol

How to Nurture Your Long-Distance Friendship by Talking Mad Shit About Your Close-Distance Friendships

Woman Trusts the Science Until the Science Tells Her to Not Wash Her Hair Every Day

Woman Super Environmentally Conscious Until You Give Her a Roll of Paper Towels

Woman Spends Entire Meal Battling Urge to Blow out Tiny Table Candle

Woman Gives Calf a Sexy Landing Strip

Birthday Girl Clearly Had Intimate Dinner With Inner Circle Before Joining Second-string Friends for Drinks

Uh Oh! Canceling Therapy Session Feels Better Than Therapy

Woman Would Do Anything for Health Benefits of Cold Shower Besides Take Cold Shower

Dermatologists Hate Her! This Woman Has Cancelled Her Appointment Last Minute Three Times in a Row

‘Love You Like a Sister,’ Says Woman Who Used to Bite Her Sister