REPORT: Look How Many Worms Are Under This Big Ass Rock

This week, a study conducted by Columbia University shows that you need to look at how many worms are under this big ass rock.


Seriously, stop right now and look at this shit.


Scientists urge that you wouldn’t believe how many worms are under this ginormous rock. No wait, they actually want you to guess. 10? 20? Well, there’s definitely more than that.


“Can you believe it?” Columbia Head Researcher Dr. Michaela Dixon said. “Who would have thought that there would be so many worms under this rock?”


Researchers have not gotten their result for how many worms are under this rock just yet, but they are working tirelessly to find the right amount.


“What are they even doing down there?” Dr. Dixon added. “I’m really not sure. I’m in the Humanities.”


No one quite knows at this point, according to world acclaimed scientist Dr. Xavier Brown.


“When Columbia couldn’t get to the bottom of it, they sent their research to us,” Dr. Brown said. “And we’ve been scratching our heads ever since.”


“There is, however, a whole lot of worms under this rock,” Dr. Brown told us. “That’s all that really matters at this point in time. And we’d sure like for you all to check it out.”


Originally, the rock came from upstate New York, where a local hiker turned it over, then proceeded to show her friends.



“I couldn’t believe what I’d found. I mean, there were just so many worms under there!” New York resident Fatima Okello told us. “But now, I’m so proud to have made a contribution to science, along with our ever-expanding field of knowledge about the world around us.”


“Yep, there’s just a lot of worms under that rock,” Dr. Dixon said. “Wriggling around. Doing whatever it is worms do, I guess. It’s awesome.”


At press time, researchers still haven’t found the total number of worms under this big ass rock, but they still stress that you should look at all of them. Quick! Before they scurry away!