RECENT POSTS

Living

7 Creative Projects That Will Never be as Fulfilling as Organizing Your Kitchen Cabinets

Thoughts

My Roommate Thinks It’s Time for Me to Get Out of the Shower. Here’s Why I Won’t.

Her bodily functions don’t take precedent over my self-overindulgence.

Entertainment

Devastating: Jenna Fischer Just Revealed Her Last Remaining ‘Office’ Memory

“When we run out of things to say, we just drop coy hints about a reunion.”

Thoughts

I Don’t Call The Cops On Black People Because I Want Them Dead, I Do It Because I Want Them Scared Of Dying

I only have their best interest at heart here.

News

Friend Still Bragging That Gyno Said She Had a ‘Strong Cervix’

“What is she trying to prove?”

News

Mom Has Stopped Saying ‘I Miss You’ Since Figuring Out How to Update Candy Crush

“She’ll survive. I’d just rather be playing Candy Crush.”

News

Entire Stimulus Check Spent On Beans

Ultimately, $1,200 isn’t a lot money. But it sure is a lot of beans.

Thoughts

I Wear A Mask To Protect All Of Us, And Also Because I Have Adult Acne

I’m doing my part, and it’s the least I can do!

Thoughts

I’m Not Wasting My Day. I’m Taking Thousands of Selfies That No One Will Ever See

All while asking provocative questions like, “What do I look like?”

Style

4 Bold Lip Colors That No One Outside Your Apartment Will See Until At Least 2021

They’ll see ’em eventually!

Living

4 Objects You Can Put A Chain On And Call ‘Connell’

This is healthy!

News

Uh Oh: Bug On Ceiling Disappeared

This is not looking good for you.

News

‘What Do You Have To Lose?’ Says Friend Who Hasn’t Considered All the Things You Could Lose

Or maybe she’s right, and you’re a pushover.

Living

How To Get Abs That Look Like A Turtle’s Back

This will bring you closer to appearing to have an exoskeleton.

Living

5 Simple Ways To Make The Devastating Global Pandemic About You Missing Your Birthday

Post about it on all your socials.

Living

How to Get Your Boyfriend to Brush You Like the Trophy Hog You Are

Be a good lil’ hog.

Thoughts

How am I Supposed to Smile at People While Wearing a Mask When I Never Did This Before?

Why do we need the smiles, anyway?

News

Woman Now Only Reading Articles About How It’s Okay to Not be Productive

“We’re actually all experiencing grief. I’ll send you an article I read about that.”

News

Woman Has 57 Psychological Theories About Guy Who Just Sucks

“I’m not even sure if I still like him, or if I’m just addicted to trying to solve his personality!”

News

Woman Increasingly Grateful For Stressful Confusing Sex Dreams

Now more than ever, she maintains an admirably bright outlook on the whole situation.

Living

How to Exercise at Home But You Definitely Don’t Have to But You Can if You Want, Please Don’t be Mad at Us

Our bad.

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