Several of the top players in the WNBA are currently under investigation for the use of Botox, a skin-firming injection and performance enhancer strictly barred for giving players an unfair advantage on the court.
Many fans consider this a ‘witch hunt,’ as so many athletes have undergone the procedure and coaches demand tighter, perkier faces every year.
“It’s an open secret. Everybody’s known this has been going on for years,” says ex-WNBA player and current coach for LSU. “Prettier women bring more fans to the games and play better basketball because they’re more confident.”
The scandal emerged when one veteran player of the Minnesota Lynx collapsed on-court, due to an alleged overdose of the bacteria, where she remained beautifully paralyzed for six hours.
Anonymous sources claim many players shoot up before important games for an extra edge on court. Observers have noticed several starting players go directly from an “8” to a “10” from the locker room to the tip-off.
“I heard that Penny Taylor started injections two seasons ago. She’s still benched most of the season, but her youth and beauty really gave the Phoenix Mercury the oomph they needed for the playoffs,” says a source involved with the team.
Coaches have remained quiet, as many have had no choice but to silently support Botox use among players. “You can poach a 16-year-old from the gymnastics team for her flawless features, or you can shoot botulism into a the face of a woman who can actually hold a basketball. The choice is pretty obvious,” said ESPN color commentator Rebecca Lobo.
One anonymous source has claimed players have ‘Botox parties’ in the off-season, where many gather in secret locations to administer the injections. “Even the lesbians.”
Fans range from ambivalent to outright supportive of the widespread Botox use among their favorite players. One fan argues: “I don’t need to see a slam dunk from the foul line. As long as I can see an attractive, athletic woman land a consistent, solid layup, I’m entertained.”
While we won’t know who has been using the injections until further tests are done, many have noticed some of the highest-scoring athletes in the league have displayed key signs of Botox use: an inability to smile, toned skin, and an intimidatingly youthful glow.
“I see some of the players after playing a full game with no sweat on them,” one referee notes.“Sometimes a player will get mad at a call I make and the anger doesn’t even show on their face.”
“Frankly, I wish the WNBA would just allow players to Botox,” one fan notes. “It just makes the game more exciting for us to watch.”
Players often seek Botox on the black market to avoid tracing and new, more powerful strains of the bacteria are producing more powerful effects for some players. “I heard that once your face is frozen, your body can devote more energy to the rest of your body,” one male fan states. “I’d try it myself, but I’m a dude.”