Why His Phone Definitely, Definitely Ran Out of Battery

It has been approximately 23 minutes since Mitch last texted you. This amount of radio silence is pretty unexpected, especially since you guys were in the middle of a captivating conversation. In your last text, you wrote that “toes r like little baby carrots hahaha.” Was that last ‘ha’ too much? Was he bored? Do his friends already know you as that crazy baby carrot girl with the uneven hairline? Nope. CAUSE HIS PHONE RAN OUT OF BATTERY. IT IS SIMPLE: THERE’S NO MORE BATTERY IN HIS PHONE AND THAT ALL THAT HAPPENED.


Why else would he just let you fester in insecurity, nervously watching bits of Law and Order in between phone-checks? You’ve scrolled through your conversations, and it’s obvious you guys have chemistry-with-a-capital-C. You both love burritos and don’t understand Syria. You even lied and told him you couldn’t “wait 4 the world cup either.” So, yup, that phone is as dead as Syria’s corn market… Okay, maybe Syria doesn’t have a corn market but not knowing that is what made you and Mitch special! So special that his phone is absolutely, definitely dead, and there’s no other reasonable explanation.
If he doesn’t text back in the next ten minutes, then something’s definitely wrong. He should’ve found a charger by now or at least called from a friend’s phone to let you know that he’s okay and also what he thought about the last Big Bang Theory. Unless his phone isn’t dead and he’s seriously hurt, or ran into his ugly ex-girlfriend, Cassidy. What kind of name is that, anyway? Cassidy. It sounds like it started off being one name and changed its’ mind halfway through. Gross. But that’s all irrelevant because it’s pretty obvious his phone just died. Otherwise why would he just not respond like that?



But seriously, he needs to get it together and plug in that phone. Otherwise you’re done with him and these elementary attention games he just loves to play. He doesn’t get to manipulate you because–oh…oh he texted back? He was just having dinner with his brother!? Oh, that’s great! See, giving each other space to enjoy time apart really solidifies what you two have together. Trust. Trust and a liberal use of the moon face emoticon.