What a F#$*ing Week with Jay Crew: Issue 4

Reductress - Faggregator Michael Bright

Every week our resident gay, Jay Crew, guides you through what’s IN and what’s OUT in culture.

 

IN:

 

gaga bridesmaid

Lady GaGa was Forced to Wear Human Clothes as a Bridesmaid

You don’t fool me, Stefani Joanne Germanotta. When your friend said she was marrying some Morgan Stanley account manager from New Brunswick, you did what the rest of us would do: complained about their Key West destination wedding, asked why the groom’s chubby cousin gets to be in the bridal party and picked up your Jessica McClintock dress at Loehmann’s.

 

Miley

Gold-Grilled Miley Cyrus Asked Songwriters for a ‘Black’ Sound on New Album

It’s important to be direct about what you want when you go shopping, even if it’s something you know doesn’t suit you and might even offend some people. Get it girl!

 

U.S. Open - Round Four

Successful Golfers Still Make that Hand-job Fist Motion

Justin Rose won some award for golfing, but more importantly, he mimed a hand job while doing it. Jerk it, girl!

 
 
 
 
kimye

Kim and Kanye’s Baby ‘K’

They haven’t released the name yet, but I’m excited by the possibilities of the first initial “K.” Kimye? Kimchi? Kan-I-steal-your-attention-please?!

 

 

 

OUT:

 
bria murphy

Eddie Murphy’s Daughter Says Models Eat Juice-Soaked Cotton Balls to Stay Thin

I don’t know what went down on the one Newport News catalog shoot you managed to book but no one’s doing that 1989 diet any more. We’re sucking on Scope-soaked Crest White Strips.

 
Global Bussines

6 in 10 Americans “not very or not at all concerned about the government’s collecting their phone records or monitoring their Internet use”

Let’s drop the pretense that we’re just working on Excel spreadsheets and the annual family Christmas letter. You can’t Google ‘Macadamia Nut’ without seeing a dozen smut sites. You freak a leaks better get “very” “at all” concerned that the NSA is all up in your NSFW. Am I the only one who saw The Net?

 
laura ingraham

Radio Host Laura Ingraham Says Lowering Plan B Age Requirement “a Good Deal for Pedophiles”

I love a conspiracy theory, but when the National Organization for Women makes a decision based on scientific data and documented safety issues, I’m going to go ahead and believe them. And ask any sex offender in your neighborhood: pedophilia is NO bargain.

 
will kisses jaden

Will Smith French Kisses Son on Thai TV

It’s one thing to be raised by swinging Scientologists, it’s quite another when they start trying to include you in their open relationship. I’m FedExing a care package with a blonde wig, burner phone, and Katie Holmes’ dad’s number. I’d advise keeping a low profile but I know your family never taught you that phrase.

 
man of steel

People Hating on Man of Steel

Man of Steel is killing it at the box office, due to Henry Cavill’s chiseled features. But you wouldn’t know that if you listened to the “critics” who call it “joyless” and “hopelessly convoluted.” My review: “You could grate my whole body on those