Fast and Furious 6
Page Six – “AMANDA BYNES, with filthy feet, trying on Chanel shoes at Barneys.”
J’adore that you self-diagnosed prosopagnosia or “face blindness” without getting tested. I’m obsessed with visions of you and your twig wife WebMD-ing “remembering + hard” at 3am.
Courtney Stodden Sex Tape
Catherine Zeta Jones
In America, we don’t proactively check into a clinic for bipolar disorder, complete the full treatment and quietly go home. We tweet a bald photo, tape two episodes of reality rehab and then bang a Saudi billionaire for meth money. Get it right, you boring-ass Brit.
Eva Longoria’s Vagina
Flashing your Marc Cherry at Cannes is so 2004. Nobody’s doing that anymore. While you’re at it, why not give me a Pilates pamphlet, hot gossip on Chad Michael Murray and a Boston Legal episode recap?
Why are you pumping the breaks on your rumored clothing line? Get off your apathetic ass and earn your keep, Cosette. The Olsen twins sold a billion dollar’s worth of merch singing about peanut butter before they turned 7, and you can’t even throw together a $472 ballet flat for your fellow first graders?
Amanda Bynes’ Neighbors
Why’d you bust up homegirl’s Weed n’ Wigs party? Now I risk losing one amazing Twitter feed. Check yourself. You live in Times Square. You need to take your tsk-tsk cluck-clucking uppity asses to the Upper East Side.