We Round Up Potential Future Girlfriends for the Now-Single George Clooney

George Clooney has broken it off with his latest flame, Stacey Keibler. While some thought this was the relationship that would finally “take” for the 52-year-old heartthrob, others felt Keibler, 33, just wasn’t young enough anymore. Here are our top picks for the ultimate bachelor’s next string of girlfriends:

1. Rooney Mara: 24 Years Younger

Rooney and Clooney! What a ring that has! Not a wedding ring though, of course. Look forward to seeing your beautiful face at his side but slightly behind him on the red carpet, Rooney!

2. Miley Cyrus: 32 Years Younger

Miley just wants to have fun, so she’s going to be a great mate for George 2016-2018. That is, until she starts talking about how trendy wedlock is!

3. Malia Obama: 37 Years Younger

After a meeting with former President Obama in 2021, George gets re-acquainted with Malia, now 23. Given her maturity and sophistication, George will have no choice but to move on after a few months.

4. Suri Cruise: 45 Years Younger

Needless to say, Suri has some daddy issues. They come to a head in 2025 when nineteen-year-old Suri begins dating George. He will eventually leave her when he realizes her soul is 45 years his senior.


5. North West: 52 Years Younger

It’s 2031, and Kim and Kanye’s 18-year-old daughter needs the publicity. However, with 42 family members involved in her daily life, North scares off the 70-year-old free spirit.

6. Yet To Be Born, Marlowe Orange Jackson: 57 Years Younger

She’s the ridiculously adorable star of a 2018 Gerber commercial. George will keep close tabs on her career and make his move when she turns legal in 2036. He’ll be 75, but that won’t stop him from dumping Marl when something better crawls over the horizon.