If you’re single, you’re not allowed to complain about Valentine’s Day anymore – but don’t worry! Here are some other depressing things you can still bring up with every person you talk to:
1.Underwhelming Online Dates
Even if you manage to sort through the garbage profiles and lock down a date, you’ll inevitably end up in a forced conversation about your cats over drinks he never offers to pay for. Remind your coupled friends that they have NO idea how good they have it!
2. Cooking for One
Your vegetables go bad before you can use them up, and who wants to spend an hour making a nice meal just to eat it alone? Ask your friends if there’s any point in sustaining your sad life anyway!
3. Your Best Friend Can Only be So Much for You
You know the second your best friend gets a significant other, they will slowly drift away to the land of the happy. Make sure to warn them of this before letting them get too close to you.
4. Your Parents Pressuring You to Settle Down (with Anyone)
Your mom has gone from saying, “Don’t settle – you deserve better!” to “What’s wrong with
5. All Your Friends are Getting Married
Four Bridesmaids dresses, two plane tickets, eight wedding gifts, and nine awkward wedding hookups later, you’re still not getting invited to couples’ brunch. Late weekend mornings are a great time to post on social media about how you’re never invited to fun couples’ outings. It may not get you an invite, but people will totally sympathize with you.
6. Your Therapy Sessions are Going to Darker Places
Gone are your excusable crazy 20s when it was sort of cute to be a mess. Now, pushing away the bad thoughts is getting harder and harder. Explain to your therapist that getting you a boyfriend should be her sole objective; if she disagrees, you can complain to other people about your therapist.
7. Time is Running Out
If you wait any longer you won’t even be able to get pregnant, which means no one will love you; you are totally justified in bringing this up in any situation that you see a cute baby, a baby photo, or anything else that reminds you of a baby.