After eight years at the agency of Dunbar & Associates, Jessica Thomas has finally been promoted to the role of Creative Director. While she has worked hard at the office for several years, Jessica tells us she credits her promotion to a momentary incident of a rare strike of lighting and witchcraft.
“At my yearly performance review, I came prepared to discuss the arsenal of successful projects I’d recently lead,” she says, “But when that didn’t work, I just stood in a field screaming, ‘WAGE GAP’ during a lightning storm until I summoned the dark forces to change it all.”
Her hard work definitely paid off as she received a promotion the next morning.
“At first, I didn’t get why everyone was treating me differently,” Jessica says, referring to the lack of Hey lady’s she got from female coworkers and the onslaught of friendly nods from men. “Then, I looked in the mirror and realized I somehow had the face of a guy,” Jessica explains. “It was kind of like that time when a new client thought my last name [Thomas] was actually my first name in an email and stopped trying to explain my own job to me, except that this time I have to walk around with a grovelly voice and a receding hairline.”
Despite coming to work as an entirely different person, no one seemed surprised by this new face in the office. Jessica says, “I walked into a team meeting and my boss said, ‘Oh, you must be the new Creative Director.’ And I was like, ‘What?’ Then, everyone laughed super hard and was like, ‘Dude, you’re hilarious’ and handed me a mid-year bonus check for $5,000.” Just goes to show that a little confidence, a good sense of humor, and the assumption that positions of power are reserved only for white men can go a long way.
“Do I miss being a woman? Sure,” Jessica says, “But what career doesn’t involve compromise? Plus, now I’ll never have to worry about how I’m expected to balance work and family or whether I can have dinner alone with male coworkers.”
Whoever is currently inhabiting Jessica’s female body could not be reached for questioning but we can only assume they’ve been demoted from whatever position they held.
Jessica’s advice to women looking to make waves in the workplace? “Lean in, speak up, and curse at the moon while lighting a mix of magical herbs on fire. Also, network!”