The Best Ways to Assess the Cost of Your Friend’s Wedding

Weddings are magical occasions where people express their love and commitment to each other, and also hint at their entire family’s net worth. Don’t be left in the dark about whether or not your friend is a middle-class, sort of upper middle-class, or some kind of super-rich princess who totally could have spotted you last New Year’s when you didn’t have enough to pay cover at the club.


Determine The Quality Of The Save The Date Invitation

Everyone splurges on her invitation, but if the save the date is printed on high-quality cardstock 12pt or thicker, her wedding is going to break the bank. If she’s spending $5 per invitation on what could have easily been an email or Facebook message, she’s not skimping on anything. Gloss coat on a matte finish? Digitally printed or silkscreened? Add up the details and add this to your tally.


Listen Carefully To Planning Woes

During wedding planning, you can lend a kind ear whenever an annoying vendor or an outrageous surcharge comes around. If you listen closely, you’ll pick up clues like, “Can you believe they want a hundred dollars for each centerpiece?” Hold onto these snippets for your total cost tally.



Carefully Ask The Price of One Item

If you’re close, you can get away with shyly asking about the cost of one item. Just make sure you have a good excuse, e.g., “Since I’ve seen every episode of Say Yes To The Dress I just have to ask you what your dress cost.” If she acts offended, apologize, but save the number for your tally.


Remember The Flower Poem

Carnations are cheap,

Hydrangea’s are neat,

Orchids are super fucking expensive and she literally has 500 orchids at this reception.


Stand Within Earshot Of The Father Of The Bride

Just as the bride is guaranteed to be beaming and ecstatic, the father of the bride is guaranteed to be drunk. Make sure to hang around his table when his work friends are congratulating him. He won’t be able to resist telling them exactly how much the day set him back. If he looks unhappy, they’re probably not as rich as they appear to be, but clearly love showing off.


If you’re still unsure exactly how much your friend spent on her wedding, follow this simple math formula:

RHiggins - The Best Ways To Assess How Much Your Friend's Wedding Cost -


Congratulations! You now have the tools to assess your friend’s wedding cost! Be careful because although you may enjoy this knowledge, the bride will never own up to it and is likely to continue to not spot you on any future New Year’s.