Summer Looks We Love for Over $1,000

Summer is here, time to update your wardrobe! Don’t get caught wearing anything that smacks of summer savings. Push your money (and your well tailored bikini line) in their goddamned faces. Prove to people that you’re really worth it by snapping up some of our favorite looks for over $1,000.


1. Bikini

This one’s simple and classic, yet not at all affordable. Show off your tummy tuck scars (or are those sympathy c-section scars you have for your surrogate?) by the pool. It’s all about design. We love this Marc Jacobs number, $5,000 for bottoms, $3,000 for top. No mixing sizes.


2. Sunglasses

Statement piece is right! Show just how much money you have to spare by spending it on an item you’re sure to lose, get scratched up in your bag, or sit on within hours of purchasing. We’re drooling over this sure to be wasted pair of Pradas. $7,000, no prescription lenses available.

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3. Sandals

Roll the windows down…for your feet! We love this brand because for every pair you buy, the company donates a pair to a Colombian dental hygienist (drug cartel). Cause marketing never felt so good! Or bad! Whatever. JOE thongs, $2,500.



4. Toe Ring

Just when you thought you’d run out of body parts to buy ridiculously expensive accessories for, you remember the joys of bejeweling your tootsies! And what toe ring is complete without a Swarvoski pedicure? We’re clicking our deeply-in-debt heels for this Cartier toe ring. Priced at market value.


5. Sunscreen

The ultimate accessory is an invisible one (because you’re forced to brag about it). We love the scent of this all-natural organic and cruelty-free product from La Mer (made with rabbit blood). Leaves a rich bronze tone and no greasy feel after application. Available in a sport version as well if you’re into going outdoors. $5,000/oz (sold in 20 oz bottles only).