Telling someone ‘no’ is hard, and against your nature as a woman. This is why the safest option for declining an invite is to make a huge fuss about saying yes at first, and then immediately finding a reason you actually can’t make it. Here are some foolproof ways to sound totally genuine about going to their event without having to actually go to it.
“OOOH Yes! But I do have to do this thing”
Classic overenthusiasm! Starting off with a shouted affirmation (“OOOH! Yes!”) is a way to lead your friend into thinking that nothing could be more exciting or take precedent over their event. But then you hit them with that “thing” you have to do (“this thing”). Don’t say what it is. Also, it has to be done tonight. They’ll understand. Maybe you can make it to their event after your thing gets done. Unfortunately, it will last until the event is over. Sleeping takes a long time.
Say, “Count me in!” then text later that babysitting came up and you really need the cash.
Some of us can’t come up with that perfect on the spot excuse for why we can’t go to a friend’s event. That’s okay! Just say yes. You can always make up an excuse later and text her. For instance, babysitting can happen at anytime and everyone knows you’re stretched for cash. Pretend the family you babysit for called and you just can’t make rent without that $40. Now you can go back to spaghetti in bed!
“Yes absolutely that’s so exciting!” … “Oh no wait!”
You love your friend so much and are so proud of her accomplishments, but you are so not going to sit through one of her improv shows, not even a “really important” one. When a friend has an accomplishment that involves an event, make sure they know you’re super pumped for them and super pumped to go. Of course, once the excitement dies down remember you’ve already scheduled something for that exact date and time. A binding family commitment is best. Remember to let her know that next time she has an amazing accomplishment, you’ll be there—unless it’s the season release date of Orange is the New Black.
The Quick “Yes, but…”
Time is of the essence when it comes to epic naps punctuated by snacks and masturbation, so you can’t afford to mull over this lie and stretch it out over hours. Use the quick, “Yes, but…” to get out of your friend’s big “wedding” or whatever. You just have to check your schedule. There is a pint of rocky road in your freezer and you’re pretty sure it expires tomorrow!!
With these handy tips, your yes-no skills will impress your friend so much, she might even stop inviting you to things altogether!